How is it that you can throw your entire being into something, your whole heart and have it thrown to the side like yesterday’s news? I know God has a plan for me but for now I am just broken.

Why is it that I always seek God when something that is outside of my plans happens to me? Or when I want something so bad but cant seem to get it? When things are great am I thanking God? Am I even thinking about God or that He is involved in it? Why cant I ever seem to get it right? I am ashamed at the way I am. I am such a sinner but for the grace of God I am saved. Sometimes I wonder why. Thank God for His grace, mercy, and compassion because I am in such desperate need for it. I need quit trying to walk with God and start running with him! It’s funny how much clarity there is in the bottom of the valley and how blinded I can be at the top of the mountain. When my life is going well its almost as if I am thinking “Hey look at me! I have this all figured out.” What an idiot! Why can’t I ever seem to understand the simplest things. I am so arrogant when it comes to God. “No God I think I would much rather do this instead.” Wow its hard to believe I can actually do that. Its hard to trust in the unknown and I am really struggling with it. and its real easy to forget how blessed i truly am. My life is not at all bad yet I still find so many things to complain about.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

God’s word comforts me and I need to be searching and striving for more! God loves me more than I could ever love anyone. 

Please forgive me for spewing this out on here today but sometimes I just need to do something like this. Just getting things out sometimes helps to better understand what is going on.

it probably is